Dating Our Significant Others

Before we had our son, my husband and I would go to see a movie and have a nice dinner without much thought.  Now it’s a different story.  Thankfully my parents don’t mind playing babysitter while we go out on a date, but it still means we have to work around their schedule and D’s schedule in order for us to go out on a date.  We think carefully about what we want to do on our date so we don’t squander those few precious hours without D.  We also savor those few hours and really soak them in whereas before we sort of took that time for granted.  Our once a month dates are something we not only look forward to, but something we need, both for ourselves and for our relationship.

Our date today was much needed.  After a rather stressful week we both were looking forward to some toddler-free time to just relax and be in each other’s company.  Instead of trying to decide what to do for our date, we kept it simple and just stayed home.  We dropped D off at my parents’ house, grabbed some lunch, a bottle of wine, dessert, and headed home.  Sipping on a glass of wine and eating a meal in peace is a luxury.  Having a sweet treat without having to sneakily eat it in order to avoid a toddler tantrum is Heavenly.  Being able to talk to my husband without D wanting to be a part of the conversation is rare.  Watching a movie on the couch without having to listen for D waking up is a relief.  No diaper changes, no whining, no wrangling.

Mini Mighty-O Donuts and wine

Mini Mighty-O Donuts and wine

But after a few hours of toddler-free time I begin to miss our little guy.  I miss his laughter, his insatiable curiosity, his wanting to hold my hand and walk me around the house.  I long to see that giant smile on his face that he gets when he sees me when we pick him up.

Even if you don’t have kids, work and life can certainly get in the way of your relationships.  Having some time set aside to reconnect with our significant others is crucial.

29 thoughts on “Dating Our Significant Others

  1. Hi Heidi, I agree that balance in all things is beneficial. In this instance, given that you quickly started missing your child, it seems that having the opportunity and choice for a break was more important than the break itself and that may often be the case.

    • That is true, Paul. Not having the option of taking a break can begin to make you feel like you are trapped. That feeling does not help anyone. Being able to have a friend, family member, or even a babysitter that you can call and plan to take your child for a few hours is a great resource to have.

  2. Hi Heidi – how wonderful that you and your husband take the time to date – having that special time just to appreciate each other is so important. It was also nice to read that ‘enough is enough’ and the little guy is an important part of the whole. Wonderful.

    • Thank you, Lenie! We took a workshop while I was pregnant that talked about John Gottman’s research about married couples and children. It was a rather eye opening workshop and we learned to take our dates seriously and to not blow them off as if they are unimportant. Our children may leave the house when they are adults but our significant others don’t, so it’s important to maintain that friendship and connection we have with them.

  3. Keep dating! I think it’s so important to the survival of the relationship! Missing the little guy is natural, I think. But that may also be a life-long thing…that you’ll always miss him when you aren’t in his company. But I love that still take the time anyway:)

    • I completely agree. I think a part of me will always miss him when he isn’t with me, even when he goes away for college. But us being able to be separate is just as important as us being together. I think it is also important for him to see his parents taking the time to foster their relationship.

  4. Very cute story and one I wholeheartedly adhere to. I do not have kids but like you say, there plenty of other things that can get in the way. It’s good to just relax in a peaceful environment, let the world go by, turn off the phones, and be together.

    • So true, Tim. Being able to just sit and be still without any outward distractions is so important to our well-being, but it’s also something a lot of people have a hard time incorporating into their lives.

  5. How sweet. I remember those days of toddlers and trying to find time just to have some adult conversation. There were times we had to get very creative. Its good to see that you and your husband are committed to setting aside time just for the both of you.

    • We definitely have had to get creative with trying to find time to just be together. Sometimes we end up just talking or watching TV while our son sleeps on me.

  6. Hi Heidi,
    I’m glad that you were able to take “we” time together to nurture your relationship with your husband. I think dating our significant other is a very healthy way to keep the romance alive. That can quickly fade as other demands take priority. It seems like yesterday that my daughter was a newborn. That was 29 years ago now and she is getting married in a couple of months. I’ll be reminding her and my soon to be son-in-law to be sure to make time for each other.

  7. good advice; i share a house with my younger brother patrick, his teen son seth, my mom, and our crazy dog penny. my favorite day of the week is grocery shopping day. i get at least an hour with no one else in the house. 🙂 so donuts and wine? 🙂 glad you had fun, max

  8. Sometimes, I think we allow someone to become such a part of us, we forget they are separate. We sometimes forget who they are, and pay attention to them.

    • So true. I think this even pertains to relationships, especially new ones. People can sometimes get so wrapped up in the other person that they forget that they are their own person.

  9. I think it is important to make time for your significant other. Good for you. Is it hard haVing a child? Is it more rewarding or demanding? I am asking because my husband and I go back and forth with having children or not .

    • Having kids is definitely a personal decision. When I was pregnant everyone told us our lives would change, but we had no idea what that meant. Now, having lived it, we know. It’s a new kind of normal. It’s hard but so very rewarding. My husband and I have to work harder to make time for each other but we appreciate that time so much more. Our little guy can drive us nuts sometimes but we can’t (and don’t want to) imagine life without him.

      Having kids shouldn’t be a decision to be taken lightly. When you and your husband feel like the time is right then go for it! But know that there is no shame in not having kids if that is what you both end up deciding. Just be prepared to be asked a million times when you guys are planning to have kids (I got that question a lot during the first 5 years of our marriage before I was pregnant). Whatever you both decide, just know that it is your guys’ decision, not your family’s or your friends’. You both know what’s best!

  10. A very cute post, Heidi!
    The way both of you are committed toward each other is a thing which all couples should learn. Each and every relation has its own significance and the maintaining the perfect balance is the key toward a happy life.
    May god bring more smiles to your family in the time to come. Take care

  11. I love this, Heidi! One of the “luxuries” I wish I could have once again is to go on a date with my hubby. Since he broke his hip last November, we’ve been limited to home movies. Its not a bad thing though, however I wish I could take him around again. Thanks for sharing. I will make do with what we have at the moment and stay happy and thankful for it.

    • Oh no! That has to be frustrating for both of you, Eileen. Home movies are great but, as you say, it is nice to have the option to be able to go out for a date. Picnics at home and trying out new boardgames are fun at-home options. I will keep him in my thoughts and am wishing him a speedy recovery!

  12. My husband and I are the worst at this but to our credit it’s not the kids. Back when we didn’t have kids we were still kind of bad at dating each other! Our nights in on computers next to each other on the couch seems to work for us, though, so…

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