I’m feeling inspired to make a confession this morning. A confession that I’m sure many people can relate to. For most of my life I didn’t know who I was; not really anyway. I wasn’t true to myself; I was self-conscious, riddled with self-doubt, and I’d change my colors to feel liked, wanted, and to make people think I had my sh*t together. Surprise! I most definitely did not have my sh*t together.
I spent much of my life thinking that there was something wrong with me. I had a giant wall up and did not let anyone through. I had no self-esteem to speak of. In my relationships I was usually the one to initiate the breakup because I couldn’t handle the thought of them breaking up with me and feeling rejected. On some subconscious level I was basically screaming, “Love me so I don’t have to love myself!” I thought I was never good enough and that I didn’t deserve the good things in life.
I was a chronic worrier and had social anxiety that I tried to suppress by being someone I wasn’t. At some point in elementary school I suffered from panic attacks which left me lying awake at night. In high school I was depressed and lived an apathetic life. Following high school I fell into some self-destructive behaviors and did what I wanted without caring whether it hurt someone else. (It was easy for me to emotionally disconnect since I was depressed).
After one particular incident when I was 20, I decided I really needed to figure myself out. Shortly after that I met my future husband. I felt at ease with him and realized that I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone but me. I let my wall down and he thought I was awesome just the way I was. It took a while to peel away these layers that had accumulated over the years to get to the true me. Once I found the true me, standing naked and vulnerable for me to look at, I realized, Hey, I am awesome.
This brings me to “Embrace Your Weird”. Felicia Day recently released a book You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) and it really resonated with me. There were some parts that felt so familiar to me that I actually cried. She recently had a campaign called Embrace Your Weird to raise awareness and funds for the non-profit Stomp Out Bullying which is an anti-cyberbullying charity. Embrace Your Weird is totally my slogan for life. These days I still have some social anxiety and dread new situations, but I can confidently say that if someone doesn’t like me for who I am or thinks I’m weird because of one thing or another, I honestly don’t care. I’m not a conventional person in any sense of the word. “Traditional” and “normal” are never words that I would use to describe myself. Now that I have a healthy self-esteem, have self-worth, and self-confidence, “fitting in” is not on my agenda. If someone is offended by me or thinks I should change, then they can kindly take their leave because I don’t have the time and energy to feed into that negativity. Life is too short.
I say all of this to get to this point here at the end. As a mom of a 2.5-year-old, I want him to grow up with the message “embrace your weird”. I want him to know that his parents will love and support him no matter how “weird” he is. I want him to be able to come to us and talk to us when other kids are not as accepting, and I want him to feel confident enough in himself to not be terribly bothered by not being accepted by everyone. Most of all, I want him to love himself and know that he isn’t necessarily “weird” at all, but that he’s a totally awesome human being.
As the great Addams Family once said, “Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.”
I’ve ALWAYS thought you were (are) awesome!!!!! 💕
Aw, thanks!
Yay! Glad you embraced your weird! I took me a number of years as well, but I’m so happy I finally did. We’ve been teaching our three kidlets the same, and it’s worked out pretty well over the years:)
Hey, speaking of anti-cyberbullying, did you know that cast members from the shows Agent Carter and Agents of Shield are having a DubSmashWar for charity, and Stomp Out Bullying is one of the two they picked? This is the main page for it –
https://www.crowdrise.com/dubsmashwars
Hope you have a wicked awesome day!
Thank you for the comment. I will definitely check out DubSmashWar!